LAUGHTER, laughter is the best medicine! :D

I guess the long and short of it, or at least somewhere between those two varying points, is that I envy The Comedian. In some of my more lucid moments, when things really do make sense, I can retreat into dark humor, somewhere between Kurt Vonnegut and Edward Blake, getting the joke and somehow it’s beyond horror. When you look at this entire fucking world, what can you do but laugh? It’s all a joke. Somehow, when I try to explain that to most people, most decent, thoughtful, right-minded people, they are horrified. They really should be. It’s a horrible joke. And yet, honestly, what else can you do but laugh? I laugh because it’s easier than crying and harder than jumping off a cliff, which is the only other solution to this world, when you start thinking about it. Just thinking about this country is a joke. I listen to Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, for that matter Larry King or whatever their liberal counterparts are, and I laugh. What else can you do? Everything they say sounds absurd to me. Politics, the study of how fucked up humanity really is. Either you laugh, or you cry. I wrote a poem starting with that once, but I didn’t even understand, back then. I only started to understand this my junior, and senior year, when I’d walk out of third period, with our control-freak math teacher having just tried to attack me again, unable to do anything but laugh. That was when my emotions started to shut down, and I started laughing instead of crying.

My saving grace, I guess, is that as much as I laugh, as hard, as wide as my smile is, it still hurts, underneath. It’s gotten to the point where laughter itself hurts, most of the time, there’s this squeezing pain around my chest when I laugh, often. The Comedian, I think, became so hard to the world that laughing was all he knew how to do, that suffering and pain never even touched his mind anymore, except as part of the joke. I still want to change things. I still hurt when I see others hurt, and I still hurt when I laugh. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop laughing, and I’m not sure I want to. Like I said, laugh or cry in this world, and say what you will about the healing of tears, etc, but laughter, laughter doesn’t produce mucus in your body either.

Get it?

Maybe I should join the Army and go to Iraq so I can be the next Kurt Vonnegut if I don’t get killed.