An Open Letter: it needed to be said (true or not).

look, i'm never going to live up to your expectations. i'm sorry, really and truly i am, because i want to, so much. i want to be fucking perfect, and i'm never going to be and it's not worth your time to keep trying like this. it's just... not. give the fuck up. i'm sorry. i wish you had someone worthy of caring to hang out with, someone who you could teach and help and someone who would actually listen and work hard to fulfill dreams and someone with as much drive as potential. and i know it's a cop-out. everything i've said, everything i've written, every thought i've had for the past two years has been a cop-out, a reason why i can't, or think i can't. and i'm so, so sorry, because i let you down and let you down and let you down, and then i turn around and get upset when you're human, too. i expect my friends to be superhuman somehow, even though i'm the biggest fuckup in the tri-state area. and then... just... i don't know what. I'M FUCKING SORRY. and that's not good enough, it never will be, what i need to do is get off my ass and fix the mistakes, make it better, live up to the very least of my potential and i'm so sorry, because it doesn't look like i ever will. i can't even promise you i'll try, because i know i'll fall apart again when depression kicks in and this little spurt of motivation and inspiration goes away. you deserve better friends than i could be... a better friend, i guess? but plural. anyway. i'm sorry. i guess there's no way to end this thing without a... resolution, of some kind. so i will try. i honestly will try to be better, and i will listen to what you're saying and heed it, and not fuck up so much. that's what i want to do. listen, heed, follow-- all the other stuff is just what i'll work on in the meantime. but i want to be a better friend, someone who's reliable and not... shitty to be around. so yeah. i'll fix it. i can't promise you i'll ever be as good as any one of my friends deserves, but i'll get better. coyote or not, i can be a better human.